Finding Our Way
by MissA79
Summary: Set after season finale. Stefan left with Klaus. Damon is trying to be the good brother.
1. Chapter 1

**So this story came out of nowhere, and then I couldn't stop. It's only three parts, and I'm done so the updates will be quick! Hope you enjoy!**

**Part 1**

_**Elena's P.O.V.**_

This was what my life was reduced to.

This was who I was now.

All of my parents were dead.

Jeremy had technically died.

Damon had almost died.

And Stefan was gone.

Our attempts at finding him were futile. No spell worked. Klaus was too powerful. The worst part was that Stefan did not want our help. Damon tried everything he could come up with, we researched every angle, but it was pointless. He was with Klaus and if Klaus didn't want Stefan to be found he wouldn't be. Every image Bonnie saw in her mind when she would work to locate them showed Stefan loving every second of who he was. Damon warned me that Stefan loved the kill, that it would be bad. I didn't want to belive it, but it was all true. I should still want to save him. I should want him back.

But I dont...

Not after I saw the news with the hundreds of deaths, everywhere. I don't even believe Damon on his worst day could do this, or at least he couldn't anymore. But here I was being the safest I've ever been with Damon, and afraid of Stefan, something I never thought possible. There roles were reversed tremendously. And the worst part was that I didn't mind it anymore.

After about three months of wondering and waiting and looking I asked Damon to stop. It was too much for me to handle, and I didn't want to anymore. I had to try and live my life as normal as I could. When Stefan was ready, if he ever would be that he knew where home was. Damon tried to make everything as easy as he could for me, for everyone, but things still weren't the same. I guess they never would be. I had to stop hoping for it. I still had Jeremy, Ric, and my friends. We all survived, and I had Damon. Ric was coping with Jenna's death, Jeremy and Bonnie were an amazing coupal, happy, the way they should be, and Tyler and Caroline were working things out, deciding what to do with their feelings considering how different they were. I thought that was the beauty of it. We were all opposites. Bonnie was a witch and Jeremy a human. Caroline a vampire and Tyler a werewolf. Stefan and Damon were vampires and I was a human. Now just Damon the vampire and me the human.

Fast forward to four months later...And I was sleeping with Damon Salvatore. I had been since shortly after I asked him to stop looking for Stefan.

The first time it happened we were fighting, something not unusual for us. His tenacity to keep me and everyone safe with no regard for himself didn't sit well with me. I _couldn't_ lose him.

_"Dammit, Damon, you need to stop. Stefan is not comming back, I'm the one that shouldn't want to face the facts."_

_"He did this for me, Elena."_

_"He did it for you to live. I won't lose you too."_

_"Not even if I could get you precious Stefan back?"_

_"I want Stefan here too."_

_"I know that, so let me do this."_

_"Can I stop you?" He closed his eyes for a moment, as if wishing I would say something, as if there was something. I did the only thing I knew would make him second guess leaving me. I walked over to him, and if looks could do damage we would have been doing plenty of it, and then I kissed him. He pulled back and looked at me as if I finally lost it, maybe I had, but I didn't care. I pulled his head down to mine, that was all he needed. To be sure I knew what I was doing. Being with Damon was something I couldn't even describe. The violent monster was gone, almost, he wasn't careful, afraid that I would break, but gentle. When our skin touched I felt on fire, as alive as I think I could be. His eyes never left mine, and I couldn't break his gaze even if I tried. It was like we were permenatly connected. We always had this weird, undescribeable connection, but this just solidified it. Damon always looked like he carried the weight of the world on his shoulders, but with me, in those moments he never looked more light, and at peace._

I said it was a mistake afterwards.

_"I'm sorry. That shouldn't have happened. It was a mis..."_

_"Don't. Just leave."_

I could tell by the look on Damon's face it cut him to his core. But every night I would end up in his room, and he would never send me away, but he never pushed either. We would tear each others clothes off and I would get lost in him just as much as he would with me. It wasn't fair to either of us but we never stoped. Hell neither of us wanted to. Damon thought I just needed a distraction and I did, but it was more than that. I fell in love with him. Maybe I loved him before I started to sleep with him, but I never wanted to acknowledge it. No more, I needed him, and I needed to show him that in some way. Never have I ever had that much pull to one person. Never has anyone been so devoted and in love with me. Not even Stefan could compare to Damon anymore. Maybe he never could and I just never noticed it.

_"Damon, I care about you but I love Stefan, it's always going to be Stefan."_

I had it very wrong. But I couldn't admit it. Not out loud. Never out loud. Only with actions.

_"I will always choose you."_

The words that he didn't know meant so much to me.

_"I know you love Stefan. That it will always be Stefan but I love you. You should know that."_

Little did he know that I really did. I meant it when I said _I know_.

I died the night of the sacrifice...all of his complusion wore off. I remember every word he said that night he brought me my necklace. It was the most unselfish act I thought he ever did, until I found out he went to save Tyler and Caroline. All because of me. I understood his need to make it up to me, but not at the cost of his life.

_"I love you Elena and it's because I love you that I can't be selfish with you. Why you can't know this. I dont deserve you but my brother does. God I wish you didn't have to forget this but you do."_

And now I dont. That single confession invades my thoughts and my dreams. But I can't tell him. It wouldn't be fair to Stefan. It wouldn't be fair to Damon either. Because if I told him I remembered I'd be forced to admit a truth. A truth he might not believe because he would think it's only because Stefan is gone and he's not. He would be second best. Again. I can't do that to him. But I can't stay away from him either.

Alaric moved in with Jeremy and I. I've barely been home though. It doesn't feel like home anymore. Not with out my parents, not with out Jenna, but I go back because of Jeremy, and because Alaric stepped up when he didn't have to. Mostly I stay here with Damon. Not as many bad memories at the boarding house. Even Ric and Jeremy spent alot of time here. So did Caroline and Bonnie. This was were we all felt safe. This was where we could be normal. In Damon's home. The maniacal vampire we all once hated and feared. He was now our salvation.

_"Salvatore as in savior._" He once told me. Now he was.

Here I was in Damon's bed, with his head laying on my chest, my arms around him and his one draped over me. Both of us twisted in the sheets and him fast asleep. I hated when we layed like this, but he loved it. I loved to watch him sleep. It was the one time he looked completely innocent. Except for that I couldn't see those beautiful blue eyes that told me I was safe, that he would never let me go if I'd just say the words. Every emotion Damon felt showed in his eyes. All I had to do was look in them to know what was going on with him. It was now that I'd say the words that I couldn't tell him in my head over and over till I fell asleep.

_**I love you, Damon. I will always choose you, too. You were never second best to me. **_

I could now mirror his words. Say what he has said and mean it whole heartedly. I was sure now that what I felt for Damon was irrevocable. That was how I found it so easy to stick up for him, save him, and inevitably forgive him.

Maybe one day I would tell him. Maybe if I was afraid he would leave me if I didn't. Maybe one day because I was so afraid to never be with him again I'd need an eternity and only he could give me that. He loved me enough to give me that. Enough to never refuse me. And I took advantage of it. I was never the perfect girl he put up on that pedestal, god only knows why he did. I never deserved it. He knew that I wasn't perfect, he would call me out on being stubborn and impatient and so much more all the time and I did the same with him, but I still felt as if he saw me with rose colored glasses. Somehow to him I was still an unperfect perfect, faults and all, and I loved it. Maybe I wasn't sure how he could love me so much to change who he was. To be the better man that I always wanted him to be. Or maybe it's just that he was the better man, and that's who he was trying so hard not to be. These days he didn't even try anymore. He would never get use to being the good brother, and maybe he never would be, that was okay with me. He was my anti-hero.

"Elena, why are you still awake?"

"I thought you were sleeping."

"I was, but your heart is racing. It woke me up. Super hearing, remember?"

"How could I forget? Your always listening to me. I can name plenty of times." I tell him rolling my eyes.

"Not always. Don't deflect."

"I'm not. It's really nothing."

"Your a terrible liar." He adds looking up at me.

"So are you." I don't add the 'only when it comes to me' part. I use him enough the way it is.

"Are you thinking about Stefan?"

"No." He looks up at me, his face contorted. He was trying to figure out if I was really thinking, missing Stefan while I was in bed with him, but I wasn't. "I'm not Damon, I promise."

"Then what?"

"Just everything. Graduation is in another month."

"I know."

"I have no idea what I'm going to do."

"Live your life."

"Easier said than done, and I think I've been doing a good job lately."

"Yes, you have been making an effort. Stop trying to take care of everyone and do what you want."

"I have no idea what that is."

"Well I don't either. It's your life to figure out. Don't look at me. You and Barbie could open up a 'How to Survive the Supernatual' class. God knows, the two of you have enough experience."

"Your an ass." He always knew how to make me smile, if not laugh.

"I never claimed to be anything else."

"No, but you are."

"We are not having this converation. This is about you. _You_ woke me up."

"Now who's deflecting? Hypocrite."

"Let's not fight, for one night, huh?"

"Fine." We usually couldn't agree on much, but I had been taking out most of my anger on him when he didn't deserve it.

"I got you a graduation gift."

"You did?" The gesture suprises me. I didn't expect anything other than for him to show up to it and come over afterwards. Caroline planed a party for her, Bonnie, Tyler and me.

"Yep."

"What is it?"

"Not telling."

"Then why did you bother to even tell me about it to begin with?"

"So you have something good to look forward to."

"Thank you." It was those little things that made me never want to leave his side. Because before we became friends I was afraid of him. I don't know how he changed so much but still stayed the same.

"Go to sleep. It's late." He says as he rolls over on his back and streches his arms out for me. It's funny, he has this huge bed that we could sprawl out on, but we take up a small space in the middle, never moving away from each other.

"Goodnight." I curl into him as if it's the most natural thing in the world. And it is. Our hands fit. My body fits and molds perfectly into his. How is it so easy to be with him but not be at the same time? Damon and I were friends, but as time went on that line got more and more blurry. Just like that thin line between love and hate. The more he made me mad and told me what to do the more I hated him and the more I loved him.

*X*X*X*

"What is going on with you and Damon?" Caroline asks, which I knew she would, but avoiding time alone, shopping with Caroline was inevitable. Because now we could actually do those things now without have to constantly worry about the danger.

"Nothing. He's just been a great friend."

"Elena, you are a bad liar."

"So Damon has told me." I sift through the clothes, pulling out anything just to show her to try and distract her. Sadly it didn't work. If there were two things Caroline was a pro at it was shopping and talking.

"See, right there. Just the way you two are anymore."

"Stefan and I never broke up." What a poor excuse that was.

"Elena."

"Caroline." I glare at her.

"I come over to the boarding house and I see the two of you."

"We see you too." Stating the obvious was not going to get me anywhere, I don't know why I was bothering with that petty line.

"That's not what I meant and you know it. Wether your guys are sitting and reading or cooking together, or just out for a bite to eat. There's more."

"We are friends."

"Your more than that. He sits next to you and your feet rest on his lap so you can be comfortable. His hand rests on your leg like it's suppose to be there. It looks so natural."

"There is nothing wrong with that." My thoughts excatally. It was so nautral.

"He cooks for you and Jeremy all the time when he doesn't even need to eat so you can still have family nights."

"He cooks for Ric too, and everyone usually comes over. Plus I'm not a great cook."

"He orders for you because he knows what you like."

"I think he's going to start compelling our waiters because I always say no pickles and I still get them." I laugh at the thought, because I could actually see him doing it.

"He eats them for you."

"Care, what is your point?"

"My point is everything that Damon is, he is because and for you. I'm not here to judge you. Is there something going on?"

"Sort of, but not really."

"What does that mean?"

"I'm sleeping with him." I finally cave. It was about time, it was so hard to keep it to myself, and I had been for way too long.

"Elenaaa!"

"Shh!"

"He's not here, Elena."

"Just because you can't see him doesn't mean anything. Plus other people can hear."

"He's not here, and no one else is paying attention to our conversation. Remember, vampire here?"

"Right." Why was I so afraid to have it said out loud?

"Now spill."

"We aren't together. We are just letting loose together. It's nothing." I really hoped he was not around to hear that. Lying about my feelings for Damon use to be so easy, but now it bothered me that I was lying about it. The words tasted like vinegar comming out.

"Stefan doesn't deserve your loyalty anymore, and I don't believe it means nothing. Damon loves you."

"I know."

"You know what?"

"Both."

"Then what is the problem?"

"I can't do it. How am I suppose to be with Damon after everything?"

"He's different..."

"That's not what I mean. I mean that I loved Stefan and now this...whatever it is with Damon is not fair to him. I betrayed Stefan with his brother, his brother that loves me. And his brother that is the only place I feel safe and normal. I don't mean just safe, I mean safe from Stefan. When I'm with Damon there is nothing I can't do and it scares the hell out of me. I'm afraid of how lost I could get with Damon. He makes me feel everything. He was always like fire, you want to feel it, to see what it's like, you can't touch it or get too close because you know your going to get burned, but sometimes it's just so consuming that you can't help it. Then you realize that your not getting burned, that your loving the way the flames feel."

"Wow. That is definately not nothing. That is more that something."

"I know."

"Tell him how you feel."

"I can't." She nods an understanding nod even if she doesn't and we drop the subject.

*X*X*X*

**Damon's P.O.V. - A few weeks later**

Three months since I almost died.

Three months since my brother pulled another heroic act and traded himself for a cure for me, his sadistic skrew-up of a brother. I wrecked as much havoc in his life as I could. Never gave him peace when I had the chance to hurt him. For a hundred and forty-five years. Then I come here and we start to have something that kind of resembels brotherhood. We will never be as close as we once were but it was still better than nothing. I was content with dying, it was what I deserved. Stefan was good, and...well I just wasn't. No matter how much _she_ said I was. I caused problems when there shouldn't be any. She could have been happy with Stefan, because hell they both deserved it. Elena wouldn't forgive me, or so I thought.

_"You should have met me in 1864. You'd have liked me."_

_"I like you now. Just the way you are."_

_"I've made alot of choices that have gotten me here. I deserve this. I deserve to die. It's okay, because if I'd have chosen differently I wouldn't have met you. I'm so sorry. I've done so many things to hurt you."_

_"I'ts okay. I forgive you."_

_"I know you love Stefan. I know it'll always be Stefan. But I love you. You should know that."_

_"I do."_

That conversation, her words play over and over in my head. The fact that she had so many tears for me. The way she held me, held onto my hand, layed her head on my shoulder. Her lips on mine. That damn kiss, the first time she kisses me just had to be out of pity, didn't it? I have no idea why she did it, where she even found the capacity to tell me what she did, but then again this is Elena, and she has the biggest heart I've ever seen. I've wanted to ask her about it, but I refuse to bring it up. She was still greiving for Stefan.

Eight months with out Stefan...

Eight months of trying to be the better man. The good brother to make up for Stefan's absence in her life. For everything I've done, for everything she's lost.

And now five months of sleeping with Elena. Never bringing that night up. I had thought she lied to me. I thought it was a pity kiss.

It's still a possibility that she's only using me as a distraction. A way to let off steam.

But now she sleeps with me on the nights that we don't even have sex.

I have no idea why she stays here with me of all people.

Could be because I push her which causes a fight, which is the only time I see all the fire back in her eyes. Maybe it's because I don't walk on eggshells around her and treat her the same as I always have. Maybe because she needs someone to blame and to punish and to take everything out on.

I'm here with her by default. Because Stefan is just too damn good, and always does the right thing. I know that she could never love me, but this is more than I've hoped for. Even if she doesn't love me she still feels something for me other than hate, I could live with that. How she doesn't hate me is beyond me. I've done nothing but destroy what she loves.

I should leave her. Go find Stefan, possibly get us both killed by doing so but if not at least get us both out of her life for good. It would be much better for her without us. But I can't walk away from her. I never could. Not even when she despised me. Ever since I met her, her love is what makes me survive. I have to be here for her. Even if I'm not the good brother, I have to try. For her.

"Is it Happy Graduation or Congratulations Graduate?" She's sitting at the counter in the kitchen and looks up and smiles at me. She's watching everyone out the window and eating some of her cake.

"I was starting to think you wouldn't come." She hugs me and sits back down. The whole hugging thing never got old, and now I would wrap my arms around her every chance I got. It was something she did because she wanted to, not because something happened like the previous times. Even in front of people she did it, it didn't matter what it looked like, she still did it.

"And miss seeing my favorite human graduate high school? I think not. Nice ceremony by the way, best I've ever seen and I've seen alot." I pull up a chair next to her.

"Here I thought Ric was your favorite human."

"Not by a long shot."

"Liar."

"Okay, maybe he's my second favorite. Having fun?"

"It's not bad. Just people overload. I can't wait to go home. Can I ride back with you later?" She catches me off gaurd with that statement. The boarding house was home?

"Sure, how about your car?"

"It's at Caroline's. She drove me and Bonnie since we all got ready at her place."

"Want me to get it for you?"

"Are you saying you don't want me there?"

"No. Did you hear those words come out of my mouth?"

"No."

"Then don't put them there."

"I'm not. I just don't want to over stay my welcome."

"We are way past that." I tell her as I steal her fork and take a bite of her cake and she looks at me with a frown. "Relax, I was kidding."

"Where's my gift?" She takes her fork back and continues eating.

"What gift?"

"You said you got me a present."

"So you do listen to me?" I smile at her and she smiles back. Her heart filled smiles were making more appearances these days.

"Sometimes."

"Be ready at nine a.m. Friday. Pack a bag."

"For what?"

"Just do it."

"I can't leave."

"Yes, you can. You need it."

"Need what?" I choose my words and repeat something I once told her.

"A time out." Her eyes light up at my words. I was starting to do things right these days.

"I'll be ready." She gives me another bite of her cake before she eats the the last bite. Things were so normal and easy between us, sometimes I wondered if she just pushed out the fact that I was not human and looked at me just as that, human. The way only she did.

"I was hoping you would say that. Let's go and get this thing over with."

"It's not that bad." She tells me as I drape my arm over her shoulder, she wraps her arm around my waist and leans into me. If this was all I got from Elena, being what she needed right now, it was good enough for me. Because it was the best she could do, and I was getting that best, even if I didn't deserve it.

"Sure it isn't. Barbie planned it." She laughs a perfect laugh and we head outside.


	2. Chapter 2

**Here's the next part, enjoy and review please!**

**Part 2**

**Elena's P.O.V. **

"We're going to Georgia, aren't we?" I asked still half asleep, I was so excited for the first time in a long time that I couldn't fall asleep the night before.

"Mayyybe." He says smirking and doing that eye thing I loved so much.

"We are. I knew it. I had fun there."

"I know. That's why we are going there. Drunk Elena was a blast."

"You secretly wanted to try and get me drunk so maybe you could get me to sleep with you." The words are out of my mouth before I could stop them. I could tell Damon anything, just not how I felt. There was that elephant in the room, that I didn't intend on bringing up, out in the open.

"As proven I don't need you drunk." He says sternly.

"No. No, you don't." At one point in time that was the only way I thought he could maybe get me into bed. And no Stefan.

"With the risk of pressing on that and opening the can of worms we've both been avoiding, why are you sleeping with me?"

"Because I feel numb most of the time. First my parents and then Jenna and John. Stefan is gone. Jeremy died and then came back."

"And your hoping that sleeping with you will make you remember your hate. What can that give you? Because I don't know what else you can get from me." He says and I can tell he honestly believes that.

"I don't hate you. I never have." That was true. No matter what he did, I always forgave him, I couldn't hate him even if I tried.

"Then why?"

"Because I almost lost you."

"You feel bad that I almost died, so your sleeping with me?" He really thought that he was being used, and I was in a way, but not to forget that certain someone, or to make him feel second best. I was using him because we needed each other, and maybe I had to tell him that.

"No."

"Then enlighten me. Why?"

"Because I fell alive when I'm with you. I don't feel like I'm just existing. I need you to know that I need you Damon. I don't want you to leave me." My voice is shaky, and oozes with desperation.

"Do you understand now?"

"Huh, understand what?"

"There's a touch of desperation in your voice. That's what I felt, times a hundred if not more when I thought you were going to die. I needed you to live. I thought as long as you were alive in someway I wouldn't care if you hated me. I was wrong. I can't stand the thought of you hating me forever. I'll never take that choice away from you again."

"I know the desperation now. Maybe I always have, but I didn't want to give in to you. It's always been too easy to forgive you. It doesn't matter why I do, I just do, I always will. But you know now that you made the wrong decission and that's why I forgive you."

"You do?"

"I already told you that."

"I thought it was because I was dying."

"I never pitied you Damon. Everything I've said and done was real. I wanted you to realize your mistake, that's why I said I needed time but when I thought you were going to die, I couldn't let you die thinking I didn't forgive you. I told you what I would have eventually. Don't think otherwise because it wouldn't be true."

"Thank you." I can see his body relax knowing I maent everything I said.

"Can I ask you something now?" Why not, I figure, we were already playing with fire.

"Sure, why not?"

"When I found you at the Gone With The Wind showing you said I'll alaways choose you, Katherine. You told me you will always choose me."

"I remember. Your question?" I see the guilt in his eyes before he tries to hide it and turns away.

"Are you sleeping with me because I remind you of her?"

"No. You are nothing like her. What I feel for you is because you are you. No other reason. I was seeing her back in 1864 when I thought we had something, when I didn't know the real her and I wanted to be with her. That is untill I found out it was all a lie. I meant it when I said that I would always choose you, you are what matters to me. I need you too, Elena."

"I'm sorry." I reach over and take his hand in mine. I knew pain, loss, and so did Damon but I forgot that sometimes.

"Don't be." He laces his fingers with mine, and with his last words the converation is dropped. I can't say that I wasn't glad. I didn't want to bring up the real reason he's sleeping with me.

*X*X*X*

My eyes open and I notice that Damon is gone, I don't panic, I don't worry that something bad happened, because if something was wrong with Damon I would feel it and he never kept anything from me. I pulled his pillow close and took in his scent.

We had been in Georgia for a little over a week now. I begged Damon to take me to the Gone With The Wind museum in Marrietta, which wasn't all too hard since it was one of his favorite books. He barely put up a fight, just enough to show that he was still a big tough vampire, and he was most of the time, but not always. As we walked through the museum he started to tell me about the real 1864, the war and just how he use to be.

_"You should have met me in 1864. You'd have liked me."_

He was right. I would have liked him. the way he talked about him and Stefan back then, he was so different. But I liked him now, just the way he was. Maybe even more than I would have liked him then. This Damon was tough and strong and knew how to make the tough decissions, he knew heartbreak, but he also knew how to love with his whole heart. This was the Damon that I couldn't live without.

I swam, I worked out, something I never thought I would like but it was a way to work off any stress I had. And Damon? He would sit at the bar closest to where ever I was. He insisted that vampires lurk all over and knowing my luck there would be one right around the corner. So far, so good. The truth was that I liked knowing he was close, I loved the safe feeling he gave me.

I had shopped all over Atlanta. It was impossible to get Damon into any store that only had girl things. I didn't care, a shopping spree was part of my gift. While I wasn't much of a shopper what girl doesn't like to shop in fancy stores? And Damon was right, yet again. Although I'd never tell him that. His head was already big enough. I needed this. I was enjoying myself.

I rolled over and looked at the clock. It was only seven a.m. And even though there was no Damon, there was a note on the night stand.

_**Went to the blood bank. Be back soon. Take a few advil. If I know you, your going to need them. -Damon**_

Bright and early for Damon was not unusual. Me on the other hand? Not so much. Last night he took me out to the bar. I matched him shot for shot. Somehow I handle my alcohol exteremly well, and I'm thankful for it because around Damon you have to have some tolerancy. It didn't fully hit me till we were on our way back to the hotel. I could barely walk so Damon carried me back. That was the last thing I remembered. I pop the advil and throw the covers back over my head. I needed more sleep.

"Afternoon sunshine." He tells me flopping down on the bed. I look over to the clock and it reads 3:57 p.m.

"No sunshine, please. Keep the curtains closed."

"You shouldn't drink so much. It's unnatural. People might think your an alcoholic."

"That's the pot calling the kettle black, don't you think? Am I not allowd to let loose?"

"Of course you are. I was joking." He scoffs at the idea as if it was pure ludacris. Letting loose was Damon's thing.

"My head is in no mood for jokes."

"You better get in a good mood because we are going out tonight- well in a few hours. You slept the day away."

"Where were you for so long?"

"I took my time, and I went to get some clothes for tonight. Plus I wanted to give you a day by yourself. You needed a day to sleep in."

"Thank you. No. More. Alcohol."

"This doesn't involve any."

"Not even for you?"

"Not tonight."

"I think hell just froze over."

"It must have because the last time I lived so normally I was alive."

"How horrible it must be for you to be normal." I say sarcastically and let out a small chuckle and he looks at me seriously. His cocky smirk is gone. He looks almost pained.

"Not really. I forgot what it was like to be normal."

"Do you miss it?"

"Being normal?"

"Being human." He sits back down on the bed next to me and I sit up waiting for his answer as he stares at the bottle of water he grabbed out of the fridge for me.

"More than anything in the world." His answer is honest and it shocks me. I wasn't expecting it, but none the less, he was suprising me alot these days.

"You've become my normal lately. Let me try and be yours. It's the least I can do after everything you have done for me."

"You already are." He says and it comes out as a whisper. He caresses my cheek with his finger tips. It feels like a spark of electricity runs through my body with his touch. How was it that I managed to get him to be so vunerable? I already knew the answer to that it was because he trusted me, and I would never break that trust.

"I should get ready."

"Right."

He took me to a small Italian restaraunt by a lake. It was classy and beautiful. Which was something I did expect from Damon, nothing but the best. We ate our dinner, made small talk.

"There's something I want to show you." He offers his hand and I take it.

"Where are we..."

"Shh." He presses a finger to my lips and guides me out the side to a patio with music being played. It was lit by candles and string lights, over looking the sunset on the lake. "May I have this dance?" He asks politely and I nod my head. He pulls me to him. My arms wrap around his neck and his wrap around my waist. His eyes bore into mine and I'm mesmorized. I could drown in the ocean that were his icy blue eyes. His icy blue eyes, ice, thats almost what Damon was like. He was ice untill you got to know him then that ice would melt away and that's when you got to the good stuff, the fire that burned inside him. The fire in him is what helps the fire in me continue to burn.

"I'm happy we came here."

"Your enjoying yourself?"

"Yes."

"Me too." He tells me and pulls me closer, I rest my head on his shoulder as I lean into him. He usually let his gaurd down around me, and it was these moments I wish I could pause and rewind, because he was so human, so vunerable. Sometimes we didn't need alot of words, even none at all. It was that unspoken understanding between us, and I was getting more and more use to it. The dance reminded me of the one that we danced at the Miss Mystic Falls pagent. Even then all I could focus on was him, all I saw was him, I forgot everything else that was going on. It was no different now, except that I was not forgetting everything, because he was becoming everything.

*X*X*X*

"Nooo!" I run over to Damon who falls to the ground, stake protruding out of his chest. So close to his heart. Too close. I pull him to me and pull it out as quick as I can. He moans in pain. He's barely concious. I look around and realize there was a fight, and a big one at that. The room is in ruins.

"I told Damon to stop trying to find me." I hear a voice I know all too well, I freeze and turn to see him walk in from the balcony.

"Believe me I told him the same thing. I don't even recgonize you anymore Stefan." Tears come to my eyes immediately, not for Stefan, but for Damon.

"Why are you here then?"

"I needed a break and Damon was giving it to me."

"I bet he is. I see that you forgave him, yet again. I shouldn't be suprised."

"What do you want from us?" My voice seethes and by the look of his face it doesn't even phase him. He doesn't care if I hate him or love him. That's when I realzie that what I feel for him, isn't love anymore, its purely hate for what he's done, for who he's become.

"I'm here to send a message to go home. Klaus said Damon was here."

"We aren't here for you. Leave us alone."

"What happened to the Stefan I knew?"

"He's gone."

"I see that, but I just don't understand it." His eyes flicker and for a breif second there is hesitation but then it's gone.

"I see that Damon came in second, again. As always. Our father, Katherine and now you. How pathetic is he to think that he would have had you if I hadn't walked away with Klaus? He's with you by default. Tell me that you aren't like Katherine, and I'd call you a liar. I always knew you would be. But even with her I won. If I came back and was your precious Stefan you'd drop Damon in a heartbeat." He laughs. How was this funny? How did I not see this before? Was I that blind to think he didn't have another side, a darker one? Damon never repressed who he was, but Stefan did, and it finally hit me it was because he knew he was a real monster.

"No, your wrong. Why are you being so cruel? He wanted to save you, I wanted to save you." I plead with him on the rare chance that it may give me a chance to save Damon.

"I don't want to be saved." I can tell he means it with every fiber of his being. His voice is cold and closed off and it sounds like it shouldn't belong to him, but it does. What I can't figure out is why. Why would he give up everything he had to be so ruthless? I wasn't going to get any answers I knew that. I just wanted him gone.

"Go away. Just leave us alone. Please." I beg him, looking down at Damon, sobbing. I had to save him. I look up again and Stefan is gone. "Damon, wake up. Please." He was out at this point. I reach over to the stake and rake it across my wrist, and as the blood pours out I lift it up to Damon's mouth."Drink, dammit. I need you. Don't leave me. Listen to me, I love you, I love you Damon. Please." My blood drips into his mouth and he becomes coherent enough after that to drink because I feel his fangs pierce my wrist. The relief washes over me and if there was any pain from the bite I was oblivious. All I could think of was that he was going to be fine. I look at him as he drinks from me, and as he pulls away. I catch a glimpse of the vampire inside him, the veins, the red in his eyes that replace the blue I love so much, his fangs that are deadly. I should be afraid that he could drain me right here and now, but I know it's not possible. The only real thought that was going through my mind is how beautiful he was, even like this. It was then I knew for sure that I was in love with him, immensely and forever. There would never be anyone else.

"Are you okay?" He chokes out wiping his mouth on his sleve.

"I'm fine. It was you he hurt, not me."

"I'm okay. Thanks to you."

"We really need to quit making saving each other a habbit." I push his hair back from his forehead, and comb through his hair with my fingers, not letting my eyes leave his.

"Tell me about it."

"Do you need more blood?"

"No, I've had enough. Did you mean it?"

"Yes." I knew what he was talking about, there was no need to play dumb.

"Why is it that I only get confessions on my death bed?" He pulls out of my grasp and gets up. He stands facing me, waiting for some kind of answer. I had none, but I get up and move closer to him.

"Damon..."

"Don't. Did you ever once pause and consider my feelings? I may preach that I don't have any, and I didn't think I did, but being with you...what I feel for you...it isn't nothing. It's everything. I've done everything I can to make up for all the chaos I've caused. We got past things, it's what we do somehow. But you can't go around saying things like that because you think I'm dying." He doesn't yell at me, he never yells at me. Even when he's furious. I hated seeing him hurt, and it was evident all over his face. This time, like mostly all others I was responsible for twisting the knife, even if it wasn't my intention.

"I'm so-"

"No. No apologies. It's fine Elena, lets drop it. I have a hotel room to fix."

"But..."

"Not now, okay?"

"Okay." If he heard what I said then there is a chance he heard what Stefan said. Damon was going to be tough to get through to now. I had made so much progress with getting him to open up and now it might be gone, with a few meaningless words Stefan said. I help him clean up as much as I can, wondering how he's going to explain this to the hotel, but then I remember that he will just compell them to thinking something different. Sometimes I forgot that Damon wasn't human. Hard to believe after everything, but to me he was just Damon.

"We should head home."

"Sure." I couldn't tell if that was what he wanted to hear or not, but the vacation was ruined. Now it was time to repair the damage that Stefan had I had done. We needed to go home to do that. I needed to be alone with him in the one place where we never held back, where it was all on the table. Where we said so many important things. Where he told me he loved me, where we slept everynight. The sanctity of his room.

_"I can't lose you."_

_"You won't."_

Those words didn't seem that significant then. I'd thought it was only about me dying in the sacrifice. Now I know otherwise. He was scared to lose everything he had become, of what I meant to him, of what he could mean to me.


	3. Chapter 3

**Part 3**

The ride back to Mystic Falls was a quiet one to say the least, and Damon had been avoiding being around me while I was coherent thankfully. I wanted to talk to him, but I had no idea what to say. I'm sorry I said it, let's forget it? Nope, I was not going to lie to him. That was one thing we never did and I wasnt going to start now. It had to come out sooner or later because we were getting closer and it was becomming more noticeable to people. We had to have the what do we do now, where do we go from here conversation. But Damon was still upset, and he had every right to be. Because in all honesty I don't think I would have told him if he wasn't almost on deaths door again. I meant it, but saying it meant we had to confront everything we were avoiding.

I still stayed with him, I couldn't leave, and he never asked me to. I'd climb into his bed everynight for the past nine days alone, but I'd feel him crawl in when he was sure I was asleep, pull me to him and wrap his arm around me. Even though the words came at the wrong time I knew he still was pondering over them, wondering if I really did love him. That's why today I slept in and I wasn't leaving the Boarding House. When he came in tonight thinking I was asleep I'd ambush him. I was starting to plot, and I couldn't help but wonder if he'd be proud. It was a Damon move afterall.

Right now Damon was like a bomb, keeping all of his feelings bottled up. He was sure to explode soon, and I knew Damon, there was a chance it wouldn't be good. I had given him enough time to get over his initial anger. To be honest I didn't even know how to confront the whole situation. I was never suppose to love Damon. I was not Katherine, but then again I was. I was like her because I loved both Salvatores, and it just may damage the progress they had made if Stefan came back. I wasn't like her because I would never be with both of them at the same time and not choose. It wasn't even a question of who I would choose anymore. I was too blind to see it before, but not anymore.

"Is Damon home?" Bonnie asks comming into the living room and sitting down on the chair across from me, I set down Damon's book, Gone With The Wind of course, and turn towards her.

"No. He's with Caroline. What's up?"

"How are you?"

"Everyone really needs to stop asking me that. I'm better. "

"You seem it." She smiles.

"It's been a long time comming."

"That is has. Do you plan on moving back home?"

"Bonnie, I..I don't think...It's just hard being there. I try to be as much as possible. For Jeremy."

"Stefan's not here anymore, Elena. I don't think he's comming back."

"I know." I knew what was comming next, and I was bracing myself for it.

"Then why..." She stops before looking at me and her brows furrow. "Damon?"

"Yes."

"Why do you need to stay here for him?"

"I can't lose him too Bonnie."

"He almost turned you, Elena!" She says almost appalled, but I was determined to make her understand.

"It doesn't matter anymore." I say adamently.

"Are you saying that you want to be a vampire?"

"I'm saying that I forgive him."

"I don't understand how."

"Sometimes I don't either, but you know just as well as I do that Damon is different."

"Maybe, but he has done so much to hurt you. How can you feel that safe and comofortable here?"

"All because he was trying to save me. Don't you see Bonnie? I said to you once that everything Damon did, he did for love, and it's no different now. You feel safe and comfortable here too, maybe you don't want to admit it because it would mean you were very wrong about him, but it's true. We are all here because this is where we can be who we are, we don't have to hide anything. Damon has helped all of us in one way or another."

"I know he cares but...do you really think he loves you?"

"He does. I've seen it. He's almost died for me numerous times, he was getting nothing out of it. Maybe even dying knowing that he kept me alive and I would be with Stefan, and it was okay with him. He's completely unselfish when it comes to me."

"It doesn't erase the bad." Her argument was weak and I could tell that she knew that what I was saying was true, that maybe she was ready to admit she was wrong. Her and Damon had developed a small understanding the night of the Decade Dance at the school, and it had continued. I don't think they would ever be each other's favorite person, and I was okay with that. As long as they peacefully co-existed.

"No, but it makes it go away. I barely think about it. The good just out weighs the bad. If I knew a way to save him when he was dying I would have done it. I won't let him die for me. Not then, not now, by going to bring Stefan back to me, not ever."

"How do you feel about Damon? Because I'm not hearing the whole 'we are only friends' deal anymore."

"Being with Damon is like a drug."

"What does that even mean?" She laughs and I know that her 'caution when it comes to Damon sheild' is down and she's willing to accept that I feel something for him.

"It means that being with him is addicting and the more I'm with him, the more I'm away from him, the more I want him. He makes me feel, when I'm with him I don't feel so numb.

"I wasn't expecting that kind of answer, but I can't argue with it. Even if I would try you would defend him, you always have, but this time I can't think of a good enough reason to stay away from him. He is the safest place."

"I know."

"Does he know you think that?"

"I kind of told him that I loved him after Stefan tried to kill him."

"You told him that right after what Stefan did?" He eyes widen at my bad timing admission.

"Yeah, not the best time, he didn't take it too well."

"What did he say?"

"To forget it, he just cleaned up, packed up, and drove us home. In silence. He's so stubborn."

"That is the pot calling the kettle black."

"That applies to us alot I've noticed." I laugh at how easy this was to talk about now that I acknowledged what I felt, now all I had to do was talk to Damon about it. It hit me then that I had mostly everything I wanted. Maybe my parents, adopted and real, and Jenna were gone, but I still had so much. Ric, Bonnie, Caroline, and Tyler. All friends who became my family. I had my brother, Jeremy who wasn't my full brother, but it didn't matter he was still my blood. And Damon, the vampire whom I thought had no redeeming qualities who turns out to have more redeeming qualities than I thought possible, became the center of this little family of mine. He became my heart.

*X*X*X*

"Hey buddy, how was the trip?" Ric asks as I sit on the still next to him and order a drink.

"Just great. Stefan almost killed me, Elena said she loved me." He almost chokes on his drink as I down mine.

"Stefan almost what? Elena said what? What the hell am I missing?"

"Klaus found out we were there, thought it was to try and get Stefan back. Got pissed, wanted us to back off, so he sent Stefan to give us a message. He staked me, almost got my undead heart. Elena came in tried to be the hero, talked to Stefan and fed me her blood."

"No shit." Ric says as he downs his drink and orders us a shot, which we down as soon as it's given to us."

"Yep." I say non-chalantley.

"Where does the Elena loving you come in?"

"She thought I was dying, again, and said she loved me. I hate those damn death bed confessions that she doesn't need to say. I know she cares about me."

"Are you that stupid?" He spins his chair to face me and I turn to him.

"Excuse me?" I ask him, agitated and confused that he called me stupid.

"She said she loves you because she does."

"She does not."

"You are stupid. It's obvious. I'm around the two of you almost everyday, I see the way she is with you. She needs you, she respects you."

"Hmm."

"What do you mean hmm?"

"Stefan said that's one thing I'll never have, her respect."

"Stefan was wrong. Your the closest thing I have to a real friend and family becides Elena and Jeremy, so I'm going to say this as nice as I can. Your a dumbass. Stop thinking you don't deserve her, stop wondering what she feels and ask her before you lose her. Your not the nicest, easiet person to get along with and the girl practically lives with you. She's more herself when she's with you than she is when she's alone, or with anyone else, even when Stefan was here, you were the one that made her laugh. She counted on you then and she counts on you even more now. Get out of your own way Damon. Or you will get the thing you fear the most. You will lose her." Ric's words hit me like a brick house. Could she really love me? Was he right? And what about Stefan?

"Who knew you could be so philospohical?"

"Not me." He says as we both laugh.

*X*X*X*

He comes into the room, turns on the fire, and sits on the bed. I don't move at first, then I feel his fingers tuck strands of hair behind my ear. It was now, or never. I hadn't really come up with a whole speech I figured I'd let in come naturally.

"I love you."

"So you've said." I open my eyes and look right into his. They always seemed to be looking straight into mine when we were together. Like I was all he saw.

"You love me too, rememeber?"

"I remember."

"The night when I died after the fight with Klaus?"

"What about it?" He asks and I see a flash of guilt wash over his face.

"I remembered what you told me. What you made me forget." He knew what I was talking about. Some how we always understood what the other meant without much explanation.

"Why didn't you say anything sooner?" Afraid that he was going to bolt, I take his hand in mine, hold onto it and sit up.

"Because I wasn't sure what it meant for us. You, me."

"That's why I made you forget. I didn't think you remembered since you didn't say anything." He looks down at our hands, runs his tumb over mine, and doesn't look back up.

"I was waiting to see what would happen. I needed to know how I really felt. I wanted to be sure."

"Sure about what?"

"That you still felt the same. How I really felt. What we could be."

"We were doomed from the start Elena." He says so matter of factly, like we would mean nothing, but I know how Damon works. I tilt his head up to look at me.

"No, your wrong. We were never meant to be star-crossed lovers. We weren't meant to never find out what we could be. We have that chance. Don't throw it away because of your pride."

"My pride left me a long time ago, Elena. It left when I realized how tied to you I was. That I would sleep with my brothers girlfriend, over and over because being with you is the only time I feel alive. That I cared to begin with is what really threw me for a loop. I shouldn't care, but I do, because of you."

"I haven't been Stefan's for a long time now. You know it as well as I do."

"Why are we even having this conversation?"

"Because I love you. I've known it for a while now, and I was scared to admit it. Not anymore. You almost died on me again. Without knowing how I really felt. I will never make that mistake again. Lexie told me once that when it's real you can't walk away. I thought that it applied to Stefan and I, but when it got too much, it was too easy to walk away. With you, I simply can't, not when you snapped Jeremy's neck, not when you fed me your blood. I never will."

"Say that again." He pulls me up to him and takes my face in his hands. His eyes are pleading and wondering. He wants it to be true, scared that maybe I don't know what I'm saying. To lose me, but he would never lose me. Not even on his worst day. I move onto his lap and wrap my legs around his waist, placing my hands on his wrists. I knew how he felt, I knew him better than he knew himself, the same way he knew me.

"I love you, Damon. You deserve me. Be selfish with me." I repeat some of his words. I want him to know that I'm sure about what I'm saying. "I'm not going to lie and say I didn't mean it when I said it was always going to be Stefan because I did mean it at the time, but I never knew all of Stefan, I only knew the good parts-"

"So your saying that you only feel different because he's not good anymore, that if he was I'd have no chance?" He starts to pull away, but I keep my grip on him tight.

"Will you let me finish? I only knew the good parts, only part of him. I never knew all of him. It's different with you. I know the good and the bad, and the in-between. You see me, right through me, even when I didn't want you to. I don't think your second best. That's not why I feel what I feel for you. The night you were dying it hit me, I was being torn apart because I can't picture my life with out you anymore, and if you died a part of me would have died too. That's why I'm sleeping with you. You say I make you the better man, well you make me better."

"You are already good Elena."

"That's not what I mean. I mean that you make me stronger, I'm me when I'm with you, and I think that it's the same for you. We don't have to hide anything because we know that we aren't perfect, and we don't care because it's us, Damon."

"I love you, Elena."

"I love you, Damon."

We were far better together than appart. We loved each other, and we would get through whatever we needed to because of that, it's all we needed.

I knew that I was going to be okay now. I was stronger. I had survived everything against all odds, there was always another way, and there was him, because I had him. It didn't matter what I did, where ever I went, I would always have Damon. He would always be on my side, and I would always be on his, we would simply be us. He said he would always choose me, and I will always choose him. That's what love was, when you put the other person above yourself. Damon would never leave me, nor I him. I would never doubt his loyalty to me. I would always know that I choose right, because he loved me, no matter what, forever.

2 years later

Stefan had come home. Not willingly, but we had figured out a way to kill Klaus. We finally found where he kept Elijah, I pulled the dagger out again. He revived his family and they took down Klaus. No one had to get hurt. Katherine had come back, she was the one that found out where the originals were, she suprisingly stood by us all the way. Damon was leery about trusting her, but she did save his life by bringing the cure, so we took a chance. We still loved Stefan, he was Damon's brother, I loved him, and he was everyone else's friend. He deserved another chance. We had to use vervain darts to knock Stefan out, it took alot, and I couldn't bare to watch. We locked him in the basement, and Katherine took up residence in a guest room. She was the one that got through to him. I had tried but knowing about Damon and I didn't put me in his good graces. Which lead me to the realization that he was never as in love with me as we both thought, because he looked past the fact that Katherine was with Damon too. It hurt me, but not enough to regret any decission I made. I saw how Katherine was with Stefan. Maybe she wasn't as much of a liar as we all thought. She may have loved them both, but it was Stefan she was in love with, and I was okay with that. Stefan may have claimed to hate her, but after his rehabilitation he couldn't deny that he still loved her. It was okay, he was free to love Katherine because I was still in love with Damon. Everything worked itself out eventually, and everyone was where they were suppose to be.

Tyler, Caroline, Bonnie, Jeremy and I were all attending Mystic Falls Community college. Bonnie and Jeremy were still going strong. Tyler and Caroline had figured out what they wanted from each other. Needless to say they made a great coupal. Alaric weirdly hit it off with Elijah's sister, Elizabeth. Elijah never stuck around for long, but he always came back to visit. Damon and I were still together, I hadn't staked him, and he hadn't ripped my throat out. We would never be perfect and we were absolutely fine with it. I was still currently human, I was still contemplating the idea of forever. A part of me wanted it now, but the other part was still iffy. The only human family I had was Jeremy,I wasn't sure if I could leave him, watch him die while I would never, but I still had time. I was only twenty years old, and had two more years to catch up to Damon's age when he was turned. If I decided I wanted to be the same age as him. We would talk about it every once in a while, but he never pressured me to make a decission. He was respectful, and promised no matter what I wanted he would stay by my side.

Nothing would ever be perfect, but it didn't matter who was a witch, werewolf, vampire, or human, we became this dysfunctional family that we all secretly loved.


End file.
